*nods* I couldn’t sleep again and I woke up early in the morning. I just couldn’t sleep by those words and things kept going round and round in my head. I decided to wake up and come online. Then I just put it there and go back to my bed, lying there. Thinking what to do next. Deep inside, I found myself still hurt, but not as hurt as yesterday. I looked myself into the mirror, I found myself still look very dreadful, but not as sad as yesterday. I turned my head and hid in pillow. I asked him why I never can have what I want in my life? Why I cannot be as happy as others? I squeezed him, hugged him more tight. Pillow is incredibly feel hard like a human today. My tears rolling in my eyes. I tried not to think more, just kept hugging him.

Then, it seemed everything gone blur in my mind. I was like ” WHAT THE HECK!? ” Then I turned off my computer and back in my bed again. I couldn’t think more, it is over loaded now. I really couldn’t think of a thing. Then I felt so relived for a sudden. I feel like, nothing is actually a matter anymore. Since I always like that, love hates me but hurts loves me. I am very exhausted. I cannot take another fight, another critique, another complains anymore. I am very very very exhausted. I finally got a few hours sleep at the end.

Now I woke up, sitting in front of the computer. Though that I would be fine, but I’m not at all. My mom came in and kept saying this and that. I hate it! I just want to be alone. Locking up myself for a whole day. I want to be loved, and I really need cares. Is it hard to find any anyway? I feel like I just don’t fit in here, in this world. I am way too exhausted, too tired.

It was a very lazy Sunday morning. I heard my mom asked sister to hurry up ( they were all going out ) while I was awoke and had to pee. I though sister and dad were going to the fruit farm again. Though I wanted to join them but I fall into my bed instead. I had sweet dream again, dream that I couldn’t use any languages to tell. It was about me had to slide to the end of a road to go to somewhere, and there I found somebody who really liked me . Anyway, that was it. I woke up, as usual, came online for a little while. No one was really online again. Then my sister came into my room,asked me another sister to prepare to go out for lunch. As usual it took us about an hour to prepare, maybe a bit less this time.

Dad took us to the Curve. It was kinda cronded actually as there was a thailand fair or something like that at the food road ( well it is not an actual name, I just named it as there are a lot of restaurants along the ” street ” ). We wanted to have lunch at Kenny Rogers but as it was full, so we gone to the Thai restaurant. It was our first time to have Thai food to be honest. We took a very long time to order our food as we don’t quite get what they was ^_^; Anyway, I had yellow-curry chicken noodles and mango milkshake. Mom and lil sister had guava milkshake, kiwi milkshake, thai-style fried squid, fried rice, and tau fu. Sister had Thai-style chicken noodles. Dad had green tea, fried rice with seafood and Tom Yum soup. LOl, he sweated a lot after having the meal.

After that it is shopping time for mom. She kept wanting to buy buy buy. I’m bit sick of it tho. I saw a very beautiful necklace, big rounded shape with a butterfly in it. I wanted it, but they all said it don’t look good at all. So oh well. Then I saw the few handsome, cute white guys passed by ealier again lol omg lol We were tottaly checking them out He saw me hitting my sister while we passed by oops lol. Anyway, I got 100 small stickers with my name on it, which costed about RM 5. Both my sisters got theirs too. Then we had a look in Safari. The raccoon still there, sleeping, like always. A guy kept asking us to touch the snake. I did … and .. ewwww … I don’t like the feeling of touching snakes .. yuck. We pet a dog then we left.

On the way back home, my day dreaming pops up again. How it was so damn awesome if my husband is a rich caring man. He will buy me a dog and we live happily ever after in his big house. LOL. Well, yes I think too much lol.

At night, we gone to pasar malam like usual. I had mango lu-lu. It was all good and a lot cheaper than the other ” restaurant “! It is only RM 3.80 while the “restaurant” sell it as RM 5 per one.

I watched Doraemon, the movie that night, and also the movie called ” Nachio Libre ” staring by Jack Black. Guess the film has been cut, I didn’t get to see some of the scenes. It is funny anyway

                 

I actually don’t quite remember the dream, especially the first part. But sure this dream gave me a really good feeling, feeling of advanture, cares and love. I will start from where I remember. It was like a story I used to read, that I told myself it was the story of Dune and I was playing the story. I was took to a place, as our enemies had caught me. I saw the others from my side also caught in there. We saw a lotta golds on the table, something marked on it, something important. We hid them under our kerchief. Then we were took into their world. Of course this world was like my primary school, that primary school appeared in my dream before. I met the others, and my visions told me I saw something important.

I missed most of the part of the dream .. damn well but somewhat it was good. I also dreamt myself was pregnant for about 3 or 4 months. It wasn’t feeling that good at all .. lol .. Having a baby is kinda painful and had to do everything carefully just not to hurt the baby. I was kinda frustrated with that. My old crush, who was my high school, was in the team with us. We hid the gold carefully. Eventhough there was a few time that it mostly fell out. Luckily the others reminded me to be careful and re-do the kerchief again. I remembere there was a few scene that we were in the canteen, the canteen in my dream. When something serious happened ( something about our plan, something really important that we were going after it ). We walked quickly to the front door, and outta my expected. My old crush held my hand! He held my hand .. I was like ” omg .. he is holding my hand .. ” And yes he liked me, he was going to take care of me, and also the baby. It was very sweet of him. We rushed to the front door and met someone, someone old. He told us that he had some information that wanted to tell us about the very impotant thing we were going after. I asked him what I saw in my vision. It was all wrong anyway, not mathced what I said.

I think that was all I could remember so far. I hope that I could remember all of those and make a movie about it. As I couldn’t really tell or mark down every moves, every scenes I saw. It was a great advanture, a great movie, if it could be made.
Anyway, all I could tell is what I told. I hope I could have more of those advanture dreams, sweet and nice one but I don’t hope that I got pregnant again in dream lol lol. . it was kinda stressful ^_^;

Yes, right, been to sister’s and her friend guardian angel again. Today is her best friend’s birthday, they wanted to celebrater her birthday at the mall, by watching movie and stuff. So anyway, not important. I booked the movie tickets The Ant Bully. I met my old classmate while we were on the way to get the tickets. He was with his dad, was trying to do something with the Canada embessy as he was going to Canada soon. Anyway, also not the point.

The movie is 88 minutes long. It was alright, in my opinion, it is not that funny as I though but it does tell a very important thing : We might be small, but together we are strong. That almost made me cried lol. Anyway nice movie

I would give 3 stars outta 5.

Official Website : The Ant Bully

Today dad said he would take us to Genting Highland when it was about 1 at the afternoon. So, we just prepared all the stuff and ready to go.

Like usual, it took us about 1 hour to have shower, dress up, stuff like that. I was pretty upset by that time, as I don’t get any suitable, pretty clothes to put on .. *sigh* Was looking at my fat body for long time until my sister came in and threw me a few clothes to choose to put on. I put on white bare back clothes from Topshop and jeans, also my white jacket

It was quite happy during the trip. Me and sisters were joking around about the muachi jokes while we ate them. When we finally like got up to the hill, it was so misty and cold. Dad parked his car. Then we went straight to the Pizza Hut to have lunch. We ordered up the new pizza Cheesy Bites. Well, it is way better than the other pizzas in Pizza Hut to be honest. It is thinner than the others, easy to bite and stuff. We ordered family set anyway.

Me took some pictures. And I’m glad to see parents are finally make-up. And that was for the day I guess.

At night, we gone to Pasar Malam. Right, it was as boring as always, the food always the same. That’s it I suppose.

Yup, boring day, yawn. Didn’t no much things today. Sis was nagging that she wanted to have her 6th and 7th ear piercings. Mom took us to the mall near by. But then we all disagreed that sis got the ear piercings as it was kinda risky to have ear piercing on the ear bone. After mom kept telling her how not good it would be, she was like ” fine fine “. Then we got lil sister an ice cream. We walked around and then decided to get more panties for me. Yeah, as my panties always dissapeared with no reason .. ^_^; probably mom messed it up and though it was sis’. Anyway, I got myself one orange boxers, something like that. Now I have 4, yay for me lol.

Later on, sis was walking around still nagging, wanted to get ear piercings and get more clothes. Well I told her it was enough for her, as we are financial problem, and dad wasn’t really happy with us lately. Right, she was angry. Then before we left, she kept saying she wanted to get ear piercings done. Ah, as we know, mom likes her more, she didn’t say much but took her to the piercings shop. The guy works there told us that it is better that she don’t do pirce on the ear bone, it is a bit risky for doing that tho. She wasn’t really happy about it. Then she got all pissy and said something really heart-breaking us.

I didn’t talk to her for the whole afternoon and evening. I was in my room, editing my pictures, replied comments on DA instead with my lil sister played games and surfed on the other computer.

Dad tried to make up with mom. I get really tired of that. He was like a jerk just few days ago and also yesterday but now he changed to be like nothing happened before. I didn’t feel right about it, as I could feel how mom feels tho.

Watched the movies called ” Barbershop 2 ” and ” Pleasantville “, agian. Nothing really on tv on weekend, really boring. I gone upstairs, read some Harry Potter. Oh by the way, I have finished reading Harry Potter and the half-blood prince. So sad, so sad. Now, I’m getting on the globet of fire. Oh well, I was trying to get the order of phoneix, but it was in malay while I got it from the bookstore, damn! I had to do refund and the people in the bookstore didn’t look friendly to help me with that >.<; Oh, I got myself the limited edition, Lemon Cheesecake Flavour. Yea, I know weird. I tried to buy it from the stall beside the cinema weeks ago. That fat guy told me it is RM 4, damn! Then I got 2 pacs for only RM 3 as refund in the bookstore. Ha! I am so lucky that I didn't get ripped off by that fat guy!

You can check it out here if you are interested: Link

I’m really bored today. Everyone seems to be busy and not coming online. I’m really bored !! Ah!! *run back to bed and read more HP with pillow*

It wasn’t an easy day for me. I have had been drown in depression and also bad dreams. Also, it wasn’t an easy night for me. I was already very depressed cause Ace hung up my phone and told me to fuck off. I mean how would a boyfriend who really ” loves ” you will do that to you? Anyway, it is the end I suppose. Then I was bit depressed cause I couldn’t help to change my family situation. I saw my mom was busy doing chores in the house, her slim and tiny body has to carry those heavey washed clothes to outside. My little sister, doing nothing but loves to watch tv. Her results just as bad as before even I already tried my best to help her. She doensn’t have the heart to learn sometimes. Then my parents came home. Fight fight fight again. I am so regret why I had to waste my money on him who doesn’t even care about me anymore. Really, I am really regret. I mean what for? I would use those money to go to concert, go to have fun with my friends. Anyway, my parents fight fight fight again. Just like before.

I laid in my bed. Drinking coconut in a cup. I really really hope that I would get poisoned. The feeling of going away from here is very strong. I mean I really don’t know what’s the point to be here, I would rather go to heaven, or just feel nothing at all. Sleep forever and peacefully in my bed, hugging my pillow. I know it is wrong, but I am so helpless here.

At last, couple of friends here cheered me up a bit. I am lucky I have them here to be with me while I am down. Thank you guys. I don’t know I would be here anymore if without you here supported me.

I read a comic about you have a almost real robot lover kinda story. I don’t know I am really hunger for being loved, or I read the comic. I had a sweet dream.

Here it is :
I was in a war, again. I woke up in the morning, early in the morning, I hugged my pillow and kissed him, wished him morning. Then I looked through my window, I saw there were some people looking at my direction. I though they were looking something else, I mean why the hell they wanted to look at me anyway, I am not pretty. I closed my eyes again and tried to sleep more. Then, I heard they were giggling, said something too, something I can’t remember. Anyway, they were talking about me. I looked out the window. Wow, the malay house who opposite ours has turned to be some sort of castle. Those people who I believed they were from Pakistan or any countries from there, cause they looked like one. I was mostly naked.

I though I heard something. I ran to downstairs. I saw a tank just almost passed by my house! Then a Pakistan soldier or whoever came in my house, asked me to start prepare stuff and ran away after I heard the emergency bell rang. Ok, it was ringging. At that moment, I saw my mom’s car back. she tried to parked in but the broken gate stopped it. Then I looked around, and reliazed there were only left me and my mom. My sisters and my dad were gone. The war is almost began. My mom rashed in, tried to pack up something, and then I only reliazed that I was almost naked. Both me and the soldier felt ashemd. I quickly put myself up with something, still feeling I was half naked. I ran outside with my mom along with the soldier.

He took us to some kinda mamak, well indian restaurant I suppose. We were at the same table with someone else. A few men I guessed, I don’t quite remember. I guess the either the soldier or the men gave me something to put on since I was half naked. I think I saw my dad was at the same table with us. The soldier ordered up some food for us then he said he had to go back to the war. A white soldier sat beside me now. I tried to say hi to him. But he didn’t seem quite wanted to talk to me as I was still naked ( I don’t know why even I knew there was clothes on me but I still felt that I was naked ). He finally answered me a few words, few words that I don’t understand, which was other language and I believed it was german language. His mate passed by, gone into the restaurant and ordered up some food. He wanted to join him but the table was full. Then our eyes met. I guess it was what called love at first sight. I though we both in love. He talked to me and still I don’t get to understand what he said. After a while, the emergency bell rang again. My lover’s mate gone, it only left him there with me. He kissed my forehead and told me didn’t have to worry about it. He said he would contact me again ( err, it is weird that I now understood what he said ). I asked him wouldn’t it be dangerous if he caught contacted with me. He said everything will be fine. Then he left.

I don’t remember how then the sky turned to be bright and it was early morning ( it was night before ). A tank passed by. I think it was germany army. I saw him on the truck after the tank, he was sitting in front of it. He looked at my way and smiled at me. I can still remembered his handsome and cute face Q_Q He had a could-say-so-square shape face. beautiful eyes, small mouth and nice looking nose. His both cheeck were pink colored. His charming smile .. aww .. After the tank and the trucks left. I heard someone yelled that all the soldiers had to back to the army soon. I saw a few soldiers ran passed by the road. Then suddenly there was an asian soldier. He had short hair, small eyes, kinda skinny. He came in and said something, which I don’t quite remember, then he said ” hey it’s ok I am here to give you the message from him. ” He gave me the note then he ran away. I unfolded the note, and I saw he wrote ” I miss you and I love you ” something like that. It was very sweet of him.For the folllowing night, he also sent me notes. I felt that I was alive again.

Then I guessed I got a job at a cafe which owned by my aunt. I saw everything on the kitchen very clearly, as though I remmebered where they were. I guessed it was because I was in love, I was very happy. I did everything fine, happy and I nearly forgot that my cousin didn’t quite like me. I didn’t care, cause I was in love. I washed the dishes, tried to learn how to make coffee, with the mechine, kept the knives away. Oh, I was so alive! It was like my life finally spice up again. I was really really happy. Then poof .. I woke up .. ah … why ? It was a sweet dream. It cheered up me a bit tho ^_^ from all the sadness. I wish I could see him in my dream again tonight, hopefully. *squeeze pillow*

I dreamt of my aunt and cousins again. I really don’t know why I still dream of them.. argh ..

Ok, from all I have remembered is …

My aunt, cousins and I were in a mamak restaurant. Outta my expected, we actually got along so well. We joked around, and they finally seemed to chat with me like I’m really someone.

Actually I don’t really get to remember all of them just small part ^_^;

So, now I was at somewhere, with my lil’ sister I guess. I dreamt of we and some people that who seemed were my friends, were at some kinda park or something. They told me they wanted to go somewhere else. I saw a old little house at the corner of this area, which surrounded by trees. They told me no one would be in that house, cause it was too old. But then I decided not to go with them but go to explore the little old house by my own. I looked into it through the window. The room is small, no furniture. Oh, guess who I saw in the little house? I saw Kris, one of the guy who draw the webcomic on explosm. He looked exactly the same as the picture of himself. Had a black gentleman hat on, with black clothes on I guess. I couldn’t get to talk to him tho. I was called to join the friends again. When I came back some other time with my lil’ sis I guess, that place was completely different! I saw a lotta people were waiting out there for something, more of them were old folks. I went through all the trees and wa la! The old house had turned into a shop like 7-11. I kept going near and though I would looked into the shop/house again with that same old window and I had to go through a some sort like water pool. It was actually turned into a spa paradise or something. Well, when both of my legs sink into the water pool, some women were smilling at me, they were doing foot massage in the pool >.<; I looked into the window again, I saw Kris, still sitting inside. Now, he was in a art class, teaching people who to draw a webcomic. I got near and near by him, his webcomis sink into my mind. ” Almost there .. almost there… ” I kept telling myself. When I finally went near him. I woke up. Ah, lol maybe it is a sign to tell me that I could never reach him. But oh well

Yes, I had a funny dream again. This time I’m someone who going to rescure my friends and classmates.

Ok so I was in love with someone, someone I don’t know I guess. But he looks familiar to me. All I remembered was that we were so deeply in love, going everywhere together. We had a best friend, a girl, who followed us too. We went to a very dump place, which had a lotta fish .. if I didn’t get it wrong. People do fish gambling there. Me and my ” boyfriend ” bough something I guess. And I had a not very right feeling that this best friend might have stole my ” boyfriend “.

After we left the dump store, we went back to my house. Then someone rushed to us, told us that some of my friends and classmates had been teenagenaped. So I nagged with my ” boyfriend ” in the room till midnight and then it’s my time to save them. Weird, the dump fish shop now was opposite where I lived. I sneacked into the stores, and saw them were being locked in a cage. The bad guys were going to send them to soemwhere in a truck. I sneaked into the truck with them, waiteid for a chance to rescure them. So the fat driver carried us, around the place that I’ve been there before, somewhere I used to passed by while I was lil’. Since we had to get rid of the fat driver, I humped on him actually. He was shocked then I kicked him outta the truck. Then I drove them away. We passed by a shop, which opened by the gangsters. They saw us and started chasing us. So I just speeded up. Then we were like playing marry-go-round, I couldn’t find a way out. I knew we were close to it but I just couldn’t get it out. A few times that the gangster nearly got us. But oh well. I guess that’s it then I woke up.

I kept thinking about KFC and food food food. So I got myself KFC the next day. And hell after I got KFC, mom cooked dinner. Since I don’t want them argue again for lil things, so I made myself had the dinner before he came home .. yeah, so they wouldn’t argue for no one actaully wanted to have meal then fight fight fight. Gosh, after the dinner I was so bloody full … couldn’t even more .. ha .. lol .. >.<;