I’ve learn how to dance Lip Gloss by Lil’ Mama. Haha, still can’t believe that I can learn a dance Now, I will try the dance from a song Janet Jackson – Someone to Call My Lover. Hopefully can take some time to do that Guitar practicing is still going ok so far Oh yeah, did I mention that Micheal Branch and John Mayer were the people who give me the motivation to play guitar? They are awesome

Lalala

Maybe we’ll meet at a bar
He’ll drive a funky car
Maybe we’ll meet at a club
And fall so deeply in love
He’ll tell me I’m the one
And we’ll have so much fun
I’ll be the girl of his dreams maybe

My my
Looking for a guy guy
I don’t want him too shy
But he’s gotta have the qualities
That I like in a man
Strong, smart, affectionate
He’s gotta be all for me
And I’ll be too
You see happily

Maybe we’ll meet at a bar
He’ll drive a funky car
Maybe we’ll meet at a club
And fall so deeply in love
He’ll tell me I’m the one
And we’ll have so much fun
I’ll be the girl of his dreams maybe

Was actually not a bad day to go out with friends until later tonight. I’m very depressed, again. Feel like giving up everything I’m doing and just suicide. Of course, I know it would be stupid to do that. But that suidiced-feeling is coming back again. It’s a bit selfish to do it I suppose. I’m very upset in trusting and loving people, cause, most of the time, they just won’t see that you’re good or see that I’m trying to do my best to make them happy. Too many misunderstanding between dad and us. I’m too tired to explain or trying to sort things out. Maybe it is just how I am, let the time to settle everything. No more energy trying to solve any problems, really.

Feel like my boyfriend doesn’t really want to continue or go any further. I’m very tired to know or get upset everyday just like before. I just want to settle everything before or maybe it will get worse. I don’t know.

I want to start a whole new life.

Mmmmmm ~ custard ~

Saw the bell in a shop. Really wanted to get it for the house but worried the naughty kids might come and ring it and so on. Some more, it is too troublesome to send it over to Ace. So yea, didn’t get it at the end. Probably get it next time before moving in, hopefully can get through the custom too.

This teddy is available in the shop too!!! Mmmmmm ~ teddy~

Went to Indian Restaurant for lunch today. It was my first time to have leaf rice, so to speak. Very delicious. Was hoping Ace can try this.

Fried squid, curry chicken, and icy lime drinks

20 September ’09

Mmmm~ Ramen!

Hmm, funny face again >___<;;

Donuts from Big Apple Co. XD

Had a hair cut today ^______^  feel pretty refreshing now~

No internet still Streamyx from Telekom sucks. Their services are pretty bad, get pretty upset with them already. Might want to switch to anotehr provider if they can’t fix it by the end of next week.

Mid-term exam this Friday. Financial Management. Eek! Not really good at it but will try best to study.

Watched The Hottie and The Nottie earlier. It is ok. Wonder if Paris Hilton can try another character instead of being herself (selling sexy) in the movies.

Pretty much a boring life lately. Nothing to talk about much.

No internet still, using other’s to surf a bit. Technician kept saying will call me back today to make an appointment (which they told me later when I called to follow up again after no calls from them for 3 days), but I was right, no calls again. I’ve checked my modem. It is so not the problem from my side. I get pretty upset with Telekom already.

Hate myself eating a lot lately.

Not really happy seeing them unhappy. Pretty stress for the up comoing mid-term financial management exam. I have serious problem of getting up early in the morning nowadays. Don’t have the urge or something to push me to go to classes anymore. The stressful subjects is the main reason to keep me back and of course, not enough sleep (it is getting worse and worse), tired all the time, don’t know what to wear to uni (well, don’t have the interest to pick the clothes anymore), and the morning traffic jam. Sigh. Now all I can do is just convincing myself that I-like-Marketing, I-do-it-for-my-future thingie to keep myself going.

Haven’t really talked to anymore lately, just my sisters and mum. Not something new tho, just the same thing. Can’t complain much I suppose.

I’m very very very very very extremly unhappy. I don’t know who to talk with, I don’t know how to ease the pain in me or clear my mind. I don’t want to talk to other people about my family problem. It is bad to say bad things of them. I just can’t stand it anymore. I hate to see my mom being treated unfairly. Sad to know that the other relatives get misunderstanding about us and think we are craps. I don’t care about them now as long as I don’t ever have to  see them again. But how could he be like that? I know it is hard for him to raise us and such. But what else he wants us to do for more? Ain’t we good enough? Sure we can’t be 100% perfect but why he wants to be like that? Why can’t he see?

All I could do just express a little bit of myself on the blog, crying alone. I don’t want my mom or my sisters to see me cry. At this time, I gotta be strong for them. But its hard to carry all the burdens. Twisted life makes me a twisted person in some ways. I know many people think that I’m “weird” or too quiet. Sorry, I have no more energy to pretend I’m happy and keep on a conversation or doing well in social life. I’m too tired. I can’t even manage my own happiness sometimes. I am used to shut up and mind my own business cause honestly, nobody cares, even the psychiatrist didn’t care. Might as well just shut up and be alone. Just like now, talk to my  blog, talk to myself.

My friend is having some problems with her boyfriend and been calling to me. I’ve tried my best to make her feel better. Really hope that they will be fine soon.

It reminds me of what had happened in the past, got a little chill but I was alright. Until about 7pm earlier something just got in my way again. It is hurt when your care is not appreciated. Parents come home. Dad is just being his usual again. It’s hurt to see that he is so friendly and smile all the way to the others but think that we are just bunch of useless lazy ass who can’t contribute to anything at all. But is it so? It hurts my mom, and my mom keeps telling us this and that, it makes me feel worse. Sometimes, I just wonder how people can just don’t appreciate the people who love them. They are too used to receive loves and cares until they are numb and never notice it again. Sad but true.

Most of the time, I just want to be alone. I can’t stand to see a happy family, a lovable couple, or a gang of very good friends. It makes me sad. Sometimes, I even hate to see them. I really hope one day, he will see how good my mom and us are, and hopefully, just maybe someday, someone can understand me and love the way as I love.